A few months ago, I stood at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, told my daughter to smile, and then took a picture of her.
Moments later I called my son, Alex, back home to check he was okay.
You see, I love vacationing one-on-one with my kids.
David Beckham recently made headlines when he took his daughter Harper to Venice on vacation without Victoria or her siblings.
Some people on social media thought it was “weird” or “unfair”, but I smiled approvingly.
See, I’ve done it twice myself.
The first time was in 2018. My son Alex was then 10 and my daughter Adriana was five. I had spent five years giving her the most attention as she was the youngest, and I realized that Alex and I hadn’t spent any quality time together in years.
So I booked us a trip just for the two of us to Venice – and so did Beckham.
I felt like I knew him – right – from the start (Image: Julie Cook)
We spent four days there, going on a gondola down the Grand Canal, climbing the Campanile building to see Venice from above, going to the beach at the Lido and eating delicious pizzas.
I could hear him speak without being interrupted. At the end of our four days I felt like I knew him – right – from the beginning. I know it may sound obvious, but it’s important to stay tuned in to who your kids are. It’s all too easy to lump them into the general “my kids” but they really are individuals, which is often hard to see when you’re together as a family of four.
Then I went home and my husband Cornell and my daughter were waiting at the airport. As for the child I left at home, they are always happy to see me – mostly because I always pick out a special toy or souvenir to bring back.
Then last year, when my daughter was seven, I realized it was her turn. I felt she was now at a time where she too could learn a thing or two about culture, a trip alone together and great conversations.
I took her to Paris by ourselves in October 2021. We walked the Champs Elysees looking at the luxury shops, ate chocolate crepes on the banks of the Seine, sat with other French mothers as she played in the playground near the Louvre, and climbed the Eiffel Tower together at dusk.
Taking a child away is a way of bonding that you just can’t do at home (Image: Julie Cook)
Again, this was the time he was listening and learning all about her without her brother interrupting her or arguing. I found out who she went to school with, her likes and dislikes and who her favorite singer is – all things that, if I’m being honest, we just don’t always have time to sit down and talk about. It’s been great learning all these things and the kids are so much more open in a different location, without the distractions of TV or the boring drum life.
We take a family vacation as a foursome once a year. But I’m a real proponent of taking one-on-one vacations with a child, mostly because it’s cheaper!
But the main reason is, when you travel as a four, the dynamic is different. Children naturally compete for parents’ attention. My two fight over everything from who sits where, who gets ice cream first, and who uses the hotel bathroom first.
With all that going on, it’s hard to sit and listen to either at the same time. It’s a cacophony of noise with one trying to outdo the other.
I love our family vacations. It’s a lot of fun.
I learned more about my children in four days than in a lifetime at home (Image: Julie Cook)
But taking a child away is a way to bond that you just can’t do at home.
Life is busy and I come in after school every night, always with the best of intentions. I always start the week by telling myself that I will spend time each day with each child, read with one, then help the other with homework, then talk to each about their day at school, the good the high points, the low points of the day.
But this rarely happens.
I’m usually very confused with my work, then I rush home from school, make dinner, get them to eat it, to the bathroom and then to bed. Where is the time for a proper conversation?
During the years I was away with my children as individuals, I learned more about them in four days than I did in a lifetime at home.
At a meal together somewhere far away, the children open up more and you can have a proper conversation.
And there’s nothing better than coming home and looking at pictures of the two of you together, and having memories that are only yours.
I think I will as long as they are seen with me (Image: Julie Cook)
Some moms I know think I’m wrong though. A mother said to me, “It’s a little mean to leave a child out.” Another said: “I would never do that. It is not fair.’ But I think I’ll do that as long as they see them with me – I never know when they might say “no more!”
Another factor is of course cost.
I know not everyone can afford to do that – especially right now. And we definitely won’t be doing another one-on-one holiday abroad for a while, as flights are so expensive.
But even a break in the UK for a weekend or an overnight stay somewhere can be just as beneficial.
A friend took her 10-year-old daughter on a spa weekend after she found out what I was doing. “You were right – you really do bond,” he told me.
My husband doesn’t either – he’s not as crazy about traveling as I am and sees it as “my thing”.
More: Lifestyle
There really is nothing better than a fresh place, alone time and a chance to chat. So while many parents may be torn about taking a child on vacation and away from home, my big takeaway is that it’s a good thing, it helps you bond, and it creates memories that only the two of you can share. What’s not to love? Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected] Share your views in the comments below. MORE: Mom reveals money-saving characters to help parents save cash on summer vacation MORE: Going on holiday alone is no fun – anyone who says otherwise is lying MORE: I wish I could tell every mom to stop comparing her kid to other kids
